MARS AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH
Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that
an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a
press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that "the object was, in fact, a
harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft". The story broke late Friday
night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles
Marineris Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly
came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, "deflating
in a sudden explosion of alien gases". Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted
the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report. General Rgrmrmy The Lesser
stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were
blatant fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general public has been
slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the
"other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's
statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up", pointing out that Mars has no
swamps.
© rusty
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