Element.............................Woman
Symbol..............................j
Discoverer.........................Adam
Atomic Mass......................Accepted at 57.5 kg, but known to 
                                  vary 50 to 100 kg.
Occurrence........................Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1.	Surface usually covered by painted film.
2.	Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3.	Melts if given special treatment.
4.	Bitter if incorrectly used.
5.	Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6.	Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
7. 	Reproductive capacity decreases with age.
8. 	Normally has predictable cyclical mood changes.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1.	Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
2.	Absorbs large quantities of expensive substances.
3.	May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
4.	Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation 
         with large amounts of fermented alcohol.
5.	Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1.	Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars or bow's of 
         expensive yachts.
2.	Is known to be a great aid to relaxation.
3.	Is known to be a spousal substitute.

TESTS:

1.	Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2.	Turns green when placed by a better specimen.
3.	Turns red when placed by identical specimen.

HAZARDS:

1.	Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2.	Illegal and sometimes dangerous to possess more than one.
3.	Becomes impossible if she feels she is not being treated equal to males.
4.	Tends to tie up telephone for many hours.
5.	Will disappear if given a gold card within 100' of a mall.