Scatalogical Genealogy

Now, you can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of KneeDeep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fuller Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt. Against his parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loader Schitt and they produced a Mongoloid son, Chicken Schitt. Fuller Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood, and, consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now, when someone says you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them and tell them you heard it directly from Crocker Schitt, Ph.D. (Piled Higher and Deeper), the scholar and family historian. He is the second cousin of the acclaimed writer, Ida Noe Schitt, (Named for her Great Aunt) author of the recent, non-fiction, best sellers, WHO GIVES A SCHITT?, DON'T SCHITT ME, MON? and SCHITT FLOWS DOWNHILL?.